The first piece on this new blog is a guest post.
There is nothing more natural for a child and their childhood than love.
There is nothing more natural for a child and their childhood than love.
Several months ago, I came across the idea that every
decision we make and action we take is motivated by either LOVE or FEAR. I
started playing with this, and asking myself at every opportunity, “Is it Love
or Fear that is inspiring me to act / talk / feel this way?” I found that in
every scenario, careful focus on my feelings and motivations brought me to one
of these two fundamental emotions. I then focused on Love and became fully
aware of the many fears I was carrying. It literally changed my life! I switched
jobs, had different (more rewarding) relationships with family and friends,
slept better and started to eat more healthily. I even began meditation and
yoga! So many things changed. It was profound. And, quite remarkably, it was
effortless.
I started to apply the same philosophy to parenting and
became aware of so much Fear! I was afraid that my children’s behaviour might
endanger them ‘out there’ in the real world. I was afraid of the perceived negative influence of somepeople. I was afraid of what chaos might ensue if I lost control (probably
my biggest delusion was that I ever had any!) I was afraid of “building a rod
for my own back”. I was afraid of them hurting themselves, failing at school,
getting ill or having difficulties with friendships. From a place of Fear, my
ego, prideand feelings got hurt by the children’s actions. Focused on Fear, I missed
the beauty in individual moments and unwittingly limited and reduced my
children’s experiences. By simply asking, “Is this action / reaction based on Love
or Fear?” I was able to shift my focus. Asking that question provided just enough
detachment from the issue at hand to allow me to view the scenario objectively
and truly choose how I reacted,
rather than reacting mindlessly.
There is, of course, a legitimate amount of Fear that is
only felt because we Love (the safety
and health of our children, for example). But by recognising that even Fear
comes so often from Love, it allows a re-focussing of attention. When you are
open to this possibility, you will find ways of getting the same outcome by
focussing on the Love rather than the Fear. Think about… being afraid doesn’t,
in itself, prevent any bad things from happening, does it? Feeling frightened
that your 3 year old has climbed too far up the climbing frame doesn’t stop her
falling. Lovingly supporting her ascent, and being present and ready to catch
her is far more productive.
Consider the challenge I faced recently when my 7 year old daughter starteddancing provocatively. There were two equally loud voices in my head! One
shouted, “Make her stop! Right now! This could get her into all sorts of
trouble!” That was Fear talking. I was afraid of this behaviour. I was scared
that it could be misperceived by a person of malicious intent. I was even
afraid that other grown-ups would judge me
if she acted like this in front of them. I had learnt this from what I’d picked
up in my own journey towards adulthood. I’d inherited the ideas of my parents,
friends, school, church, the media and society at large and never questioned
whether or not those ideas actually served me, or were true for me. But at the same time, Love was saying, “Let her be.
This is natural. This is a beautiful expression of who she is right now. She is safe here. Let it be.”
I went with the latter voice. After a few minutes, she stopped dancing, and all
was well. (Please see TheLoving Father’s response to this challenge for the loving explanation of
this behaviour.)
Focussing on Love allows us that tiny bit of separation from
the ‘issue’ or ‘drama’ that we’re involved in at any given moment. We can then
use that separation to take a breath and consider our loving response. Give it
a go, and try it! There’s nothing to lose!
I would urge you also to apply this one simple principle to
yourself: Love yourself first! Ask
yourself, “If I truly, deeply loved myself, would I allow myself this
experience?” Whilst Fear is limiting, constrictive and the source of so many
anxieties, with Love, you will find easier expression,
expansion of your experiences of life
and joy in the liberation from Fear.
By loving yourself you become full up with Love, which you will then
effortlessly give to those around you.
The Loving Parent was
set up as a way of giving a ‘voice’ to Love, in the parenting context. The One
Who Learns (the OWL) writes about her parenting experiences. She then receives
advice from The Loving Mother and The Loving Father who are unafraid,
uninhibited and always loving and supportive.
Many thanks to The Loving Parent for this guest post .
Thank you Claire for the opportunity to write it. x
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